One of the tremendous blessings about never moving too far from home is the proximity to so many groups of friends & the ability to see one another over the years. I grew up in one town in the ATL suburbs, went to school 1.5 hours away, and then moved back to the same metro area. Living in the same 1.5-hour radius for my entire life has made it feasible to stay connected with friends from as far back as preschool (yes, preschool!) and from every single school, church, job, or living situation I've ever been a part of.
My husband is the exact same way - having grown up in one place and never lived further than an hour away, he's still friends with people from "way back." Both of our families (immediate and extended) live nearby also, making it geographically convenient to be in relationship with all of these individuals now as adults.
While the ability for us both to see & stay connected with these loved ones is a true gift from God, it can also make things somewhat challenging. A lesson that John and I have been learning is that there are truly only a certain number of hours in a week that are available to "hang out" with others. Working, sleeping, and doing the basic tasks necessary for maintaining your life/house/health leave a sharply reduced number of hours in the week for socializing. Factor in our opposite work schedules, which means that we have to consciously schedule our time to just connect with each other, and we're left with even fewer number of hours.
Those of you who know me at all know that I am a highly relational person. I love people and being close to people! Intimate relationships are super high on my priority list, so trying to figure out how to stay close with everyone at the same time has left me bewildered and upset at times.
I have come to the conclusion that it's impossible to be close (like, really, close..."check my teeth" close) to my family and friends from all stages of my life. In addition to not having the time necessary to maintain connectedness, it's also just not feasible to mentally and emotionally be intimate or transparent with that many people simultaneously.
What's the answer then? Do you draw straws to determine who gets to stay in your life and who you shut out? I don't think that's the answer. I pray about it, asking the Holy Spirit to make it clear who I need to be close to at that time, and then follow His leading. I've asked Him to show me who I need to be investing in and who I need to be trusting to invest in me.
While it's not practical to expect to have time to engage with 20 people in a week, we can ask the Holy Spirit to help us know how to express value to those we aren't walking closely with at the moment but still care about. Randomly I get an urge to shoot a friend a text message or send her a little Facebook love. Those are nudges from the Holy Spirit who is being faithful by showing me how to maintain these friendships even when I'm not spending tons of time with that person.
I also think we have to understand that there are seasons where relationships shift. While someone like my sister has experienced very obvious season changes by moving to another country, my season changes have been more subtle... but even though they can't be so obviously defined, they are there. There are natural progressions when relationships change and adapt.
As with everything else, we have to extend ourselves and our friends grace in the issue of tending to relationships. Sometimes I begin beating myself up for forgetting a friend's anniversary or letting months go by without initiating contact, but grace must be given. Similarly, I often have to remind myself that others are just as busy as I am, so I should not be personally offended when stretches of time go by without communication. I'm guilty of sometimes having a double standard with this issue.
God loves people and relationships. He chose to send His son to Earth in the form of a man - he could have expressed himself in so many other ways, but this demonstrates how much He LOVES relationships! That being said, we should take relationships very seriously and make people a priority like He did. We just have to make sure that we're FIRST maintaining our relationship with Him, and THEN asking Him to guide the way in our relationships with others.
My husband is the exact same way - having grown up in one place and never lived further than an hour away, he's still friends with people from "way back." Both of our families (immediate and extended) live nearby also, making it geographically convenient to be in relationship with all of these individuals now as adults.
While the ability for us both to see & stay connected with these loved ones is a true gift from God, it can also make things somewhat challenging. A lesson that John and I have been learning is that there are truly only a certain number of hours in a week that are available to "hang out" with others. Working, sleeping, and doing the basic tasks necessary for maintaining your life/house/health leave a sharply reduced number of hours in the week for socializing. Factor in our opposite work schedules, which means that we have to consciously schedule our time to just connect with each other, and we're left with even fewer number of hours.
Those of you who know me at all know that I am a highly relational person. I love people and being close to people! Intimate relationships are super high on my priority list, so trying to figure out how to stay close with everyone at the same time has left me bewildered and upset at times.
I have come to the conclusion that it's impossible to be close (like, really, close..."check my teeth" close) to my family and friends from all stages of my life. In addition to not having the time necessary to maintain connectedness, it's also just not feasible to mentally and emotionally be intimate or transparent with that many people simultaneously.
What's the answer then? Do you draw straws to determine who gets to stay in your life and who you shut out? I don't think that's the answer. I pray about it, asking the Holy Spirit to make it clear who I need to be close to at that time, and then follow His leading. I've asked Him to show me who I need to be investing in and who I need to be trusting to invest in me.
While it's not practical to expect to have time to engage with 20 people in a week, we can ask the Holy Spirit to help us know how to express value to those we aren't walking closely with at the moment but still care about. Randomly I get an urge to shoot a friend a text message or send her a little Facebook love. Those are nudges from the Holy Spirit who is being faithful by showing me how to maintain these friendships even when I'm not spending tons of time with that person.
I also think we have to understand that there are seasons where relationships shift. While someone like my sister has experienced very obvious season changes by moving to another country, my season changes have been more subtle... but even though they can't be so obviously defined, they are there. There are natural progressions when relationships change and adapt.
As with everything else, we have to extend ourselves and our friends grace in the issue of tending to relationships. Sometimes I begin beating myself up for forgetting a friend's anniversary or letting months go by without initiating contact, but grace must be given. Similarly, I often have to remind myself that others are just as busy as I am, so I should not be personally offended when stretches of time go by without communication. I'm guilty of sometimes having a double standard with this issue.
God loves people and relationships. He chose to send His son to Earth in the form of a man - he could have expressed himself in so many other ways, but this demonstrates how much He LOVES relationships! That being said, we should take relationships very seriously and make people a priority like He did. We just have to make sure that we're FIRST maintaining our relationship with Him, and THEN asking Him to guide the way in our relationships with others.
Excellent thoughts Leigh!Your solution really is the only solution, following the Spirit's leading. :)
ReplyDeleteGood insights LJH - as always you get to the heart of the matter. You guys do a great job staying connected with old friends. As time goes by your friends will change, but the old ones will always be there.
ReplyDeleteThank you both. Dad, you're absolutely right.
ReplyDelete