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What Do We Want?

John and I had a conversation one night this week about the future. What do we want? Where do we want to land - with our careers, our family, our finances? How and where do we want to share Jesus with people? What is He asking us to step into?

The thing is... we really don't know. We know that we both love what we do now. But we really aren't seeing beyond right now.

This is good on one hand, because it forces us to have childlike faith, trusting God one day at a time without being able to see beyond that. Dependance on Him is a good thing, no questions asked. However, it's frustrating on the other hand because it makes it hard to set goals and know what direction to lean if we don't know where we are headed.

Some days I really want to be a suburban super mom who is really beautiful and manages to cart my kids around, rock an intense fitness class, and then have a gourmet dinner waiting on my husband as he walks in the door every day, no sweat. But then I sit next to a mom struggling with her two kids under the age of 4 at Panera tonight and realize how challenging motherhood actually is in reality. The whole hot, overachieving mom image is probably the exception, not the norm. My friends who are moms tell me that a day is considered successful if they manage to shower. Yeah.

Other days I want other things... adoption, to see changes in John's career. All kinds of ideas float in my mind.

I can't help but be filled with thankfulness when I look at my life now and see the way God has orchestrated the present. Love my husband. Love my job. I have everything I need plus most of what I want. 

So, we press on, pursuing the things I KNOW Jesus wants for us... to know Him, to make Him known, to love people. Thankful for our present but expectant about our future.


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