Birthdays make me reflective, so I have been thinking back over this year. My friend Justin Woelk published a blog post on his birthday sharing some things he has discovered, and I loved it. His post inspired me to recall lessons I've learned in the past year. Here goes:
1. The most effective way to love people is to speak their love language.
I finally understood this year that to love people well, I need to love them the way that THEY like to receive love. We all default to expressing love in whatever way is most convenient for us, but that doesn't necessarily translate or communicate love to the other person. John's love language is touch, so while he may appreciate me cleaning the house (an act of service) while he is at work, it doesn't necessarily show him that I love him. I need to remember to rub his neck while we're watching a show together instead. Silly example, but the principle remains: study the people you love, figure out what they love, and make an effort to do those things.
2. You must protect what is most sacred to you.
I am not an independent person or thinker by nature, so I've had to learn how to identify, communicate and protect my own needs as I have matured. No one else is quite like me (or you!) with my specific set of emotional, physical, or relational needs. Maybe your roommate only needs five hours of sleep but you need eight, for example. It's up to you to recognize that and then set yourself up for success by being disciplined about going to bed before he or she does. Maybe your coworker can casually check emails on his phone after work, but you can't without getting consumed in work and disengaged at home. You can't expect others not to email you, but you can turn off your notifications to create a boundary for yourself. It's up to you to identify what you require to thrive, and it's also up to you to prioritize and protect those things. No one else will do that for you. You must create and defend the boundaries.
3. Your life will be richer if you cultivate your soul on a regular basis.
This sounds dramatic, but what I'm saying is to find what you love and make room for it (see #2). Maybe you love to bake, paint, or read. Those things may not be "productive" as far as your to-do list, so if you are like me, they will probably never happen because you think you have more "important" things to do. I've learned that these outlets actually are productive because they fuel me in a completely different way. We "do" everything else better if we are fulfilled, not just knocking out tasks like robots. Good conversation with people I love is life-giving to me, so I set dates with those people to make sure my tank gets filled. I also love to write, so I take time to blog when God gives me something to say. I am better at all of the other roles in my life when I cultivate my soul in these ways because they make me happy and get my brain moving!
These are the three lessons that stood out the most to be from the past 365 days. I hope that you are way ahead of me on these! If not, I hope that they make you think about some shifts you'd like to make in your own life.
1. The most effective way to love people is to speak their love language.
I finally understood this year that to love people well, I need to love them the way that THEY like to receive love. We all default to expressing love in whatever way is most convenient for us, but that doesn't necessarily translate or communicate love to the other person. John's love language is touch, so while he may appreciate me cleaning the house (an act of service) while he is at work, it doesn't necessarily show him that I love him. I need to remember to rub his neck while we're watching a show together instead. Silly example, but the principle remains: study the people you love, figure out what they love, and make an effort to do those things.
2. You must protect what is most sacred to you.
I am not an independent person or thinker by nature, so I've had to learn how to identify, communicate and protect my own needs as I have matured. No one else is quite like me (or you!) with my specific set of emotional, physical, or relational needs. Maybe your roommate only needs five hours of sleep but you need eight, for example. It's up to you to recognize that and then set yourself up for success by being disciplined about going to bed before he or she does. Maybe your coworker can casually check emails on his phone after work, but you can't without getting consumed in work and disengaged at home. You can't expect others not to email you, but you can turn off your notifications to create a boundary for yourself. It's up to you to identify what you require to thrive, and it's also up to you to prioritize and protect those things. No one else will do that for you. You must create and defend the boundaries.
3. Your life will be richer if you cultivate your soul on a regular basis.
This sounds dramatic, but what I'm saying is to find what you love and make room for it (see #2). Maybe you love to bake, paint, or read. Those things may not be "productive" as far as your to-do list, so if you are like me, they will probably never happen because you think you have more "important" things to do. I've learned that these outlets actually are productive because they fuel me in a completely different way. We "do" everything else better if we are fulfilled, not just knocking out tasks like robots. Good conversation with people I love is life-giving to me, so I set dates with those people to make sure my tank gets filled. I also love to write, so I take time to blog when God gives me something to say. I am better at all of the other roles in my life when I cultivate my soul in these ways because they make me happy and get my brain moving!
These are the three lessons that stood out the most to be from the past 365 days. I hope that you are way ahead of me on these! If not, I hope that they make you think about some shifts you'd like to make in your own life.
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