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Adjusting my vision

This will sound cliche, but I truly mean it. The more I know, the more I realize I don't know.

Recently John & I were with a couple who have only been married a few months and are fresh out of college. We were in their exact stage two years ago, which is not long at all, but somehow being with them made me think back and smile at the naive thoughts I entertained during that season.

Thinking about the Leigh Harper of two years ago, I realize that I thought I "knew it all" already at age 22. To be honest, when I graduated from college and got married, I felt invincible. I was prideful (not that I'm completely rid of pride - it's a daily battle, right?) and felt competent, confident that I was prepared to enter adulthood and successfully conquer marriage and career.

Fast forward two years to the present, and I realize how off those thoughts were! In reality, at 22, I was just stepping into two new worlds full of NEW things to absorb, and I had NO IDEA about how much I had left to learn.

God has taught me so much - huge concepts and tiny details - as I've taken the first steps into these two worlds (marriage and career). As I inch my way along, I see how truly massive these worlds are, and I begin to understand that I am barely past the thresholds, looking into huge new territories. These new worlds are so vast and complex that my eyes must adjust, which is what's happening now as I'm realizing that I have so very much to learn.

Surprisingly, I'm okay with the fact that I have a ton to understand and absorb about marriage and career. In fact, I kind of like knowing that I have little knowledge now and there's a TON left to grasp, because that means that I will never stop growing. The Holy Spirit will keep bringing me new challenges, colleagues, disappointments, milestones, friends, decision points, opportunities, circumstances, and questions that will result in me learning new lessons and understanding more about marriage, career, myself and more importantly, His character.

I also like not knowing everything because that means there is grace for me. No one expects me to be a perfect wife or to win any MVP awards at work right now! It is obvious that I am young, inexperienced, immature, and new in these roles. Also super important for me to understand is that I can and should give myself grace as I stumble about and try to get things right.

When I entered these worlds, they were dark and foreign to me. Now, my eyes are adjusting and God is slowly illuminating pieces for me. Lightbulbs are gradually clicking on, and He's revealing more knowledge which leads to more understanding.

I realize that I will leave this earth still not knowing all there is to know about marriage and the work world. But, you know what? That's when the really, really good stuff will be revealed...

"Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known." 1 Corinthians 13:12

Comments

  1. LivingABonaFideLifeAugust 11, 2011 at 8:43 AM

    Great thoughts Leigh! It's so wonderful to embrace the fact that we will always be growing and always learning - like you said, it's almost a relief! Love ya!

    ReplyDelete

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