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The Trashcan

This morning I woke up to a full trashcan, and I got mad.

You're probably thinking, "Um, okay, Leigh. Little sensitive? Pregnancy hormones gettin' to ya?"

Let me explain.

I've been blessed with an extremely easy pregnancy so far. I thank God for that. Only in the past month or so have a few tasks like bending over become more difficult to me due to my, ahem, expanded midsection. I have not really liked feeling inadequate, even though it's temporary and for an amazing reason. (Hello, pride!) Recently, I reluctantly asked my husband if he could help be aware of the trashcan in the kitchen and take it out once it gets full, because this chore was becoming difficult for me. Of course he agreed.

When I groggily stumbled into the kitchen this morning after John had left for work and found a full trashcan, I got mad. And I mean mad. As I cooked my eggs, I started reeling. I even got physically hot. My mind began racing with bitter thoughts like: "We are having company over later today. This means that I will spend the morning cleaning and make the trashcan even MORE full. John knows this. I've asked him to help me with this one thing - is it really that hard to remember? Why can't he help me? Does he remember that I'm growing a human being?!"

After I ate my breakfast and took out the trash begrudgingly , I sat down to have my quiet time. And then conviction set in. Uh-huh.

How many times do I not do the "little things" I know I should do for Jesus? Does he respond to me the way that I responded to John? How many times do I take the easy or lazy route instead of seeking to serve Him? Or, as in the case of what I think probably happened to John this morning, how many times do I just get distracted and not even notice what needs to be done? Does Jesus hold these things over my head or respond bitterly toward me when I fail to do special things to show my love toward Him? Absolutely not. He keeps no record of my wrongs, intentional or unintentional.

Why was I so mad over a silly trashcan? My husband has been an incredible partner during this pregnancy. He has served me endlessly, as he always has since day one of our marriage, pregnant or not pregnant. Why was I assuming he'd intentionally avoided taking out the trash? Maybe he was running behind. Maybe he didn't put anything in the trashcan this morning to even notice it was full. I came to three conclusions as to why this had bothered me so much:

A) I am very spoiled because my husband DOES serve me so much. He does many, many of the things that keep our house running and has since the beginning of our marriage. He's extremely attentive and loves doing "little things" to serve me, so this morning's incident was rare and took me off guard. It should have made me grateful for the many acts of service he does instead of making me angry for forgetting one time. What a selfish reaction I exhibited!

B) Somewhere down deep, my insecurity translated him not taking out the trash to mean he doesn't care/doesn't want to serve me/is unaware of my needs/doesn't love me. (Insecurity can make you insane, people!) That is so unlike my husband that it's comical.

C) To my earlier point, my pride was bothered because I was confronted with something that is difficult for me right now. It was easier to displace that irritation on my husband than accept that I can't do everything.

Basically, the full trashcan was really not about my husband at all. It was about ME! In fact, John forgetting the trash is so out of his character, that the loving, RIGHT thing for me to do would have been to call him just to check in and see how his morning is going. Forgetting the trash should have been an indicator to me that maybe something was off with him this morning and he needed MY prayers or support in some area. And when I called, I shouldn't have even mentioned the trashcan, because that would have been passive aggressive.

Whew. All of that from a full trashcan. I am glad that Jesus doesn't respond the way I do when I fail, and I love that He uses silly things like trashcans to teach me! May we always be teachable and open to instruction. 

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