Today I had my annual check-up at my ob-gyn. DON'T WORRY and KEEP READING - this is not a post with details about what happens once you leave the waiting room!
I was in the waiting room for about 40 minutes. Looking around, I was astounded by the range of emotions I saw on display by the other patients.
Two obviously pregnant women sat to my right, each looking content and pleasant as they rested their hands on their round bellies, calmly flipping through pregnancy magazines and scrolling on their phones.
Across the room was a college-aged girl who was whispering nervously to her mom. Must be a first timer, I figured.
A couple sat in the corner. The woman looked excited and the man fidgeted, looking like he'd rather be cleaning toilets than sitting in that room. I wondered about the story behind those two.
A very, very pregnant mom waddled in holding her toddler's hand. Instantly I felt tired on her behalf.
Directly across from me was another couple. Their faces were buried in magazines and their posture was stiff. I saw a few tears escape from her eyes. He reached over and patted her knee lovingly, both faces still staring down at the reading material. I felt sad for them.
Next to me was a woman who looked about 55, clearly on the other side of the childbearing years. Perhaps she was there to discuss the next round of physical changes the female body experiences. Oy.
Whew. I was worn out just observing these people and thinking about all of the life that was happening behind each face.
I was taken back to the many times I'd sat in that office and displayed a pretty wide range of emotions myself. Nervous as a young woman, anxious and burdened as a married woman trying to consummate my marriage and get answers, confused when my pregnancy test at home said positive but my first trip there was inconclusive, and then elated for the next several months as I checked up on the baby girl growing inside of me.
Thankfully, my visit today was very routine, but of course my doctor, who I adore due to our long journey together, asked me if we were ready for another child. Ah, the popular question any woman of one child is asked far too often.
I told her truthfully that though John adores Olivia, he isn't sure that he wants a second child. I told her that I was okay with that for now since I'm still young(ish), but I hoped that he would change his mind eventually.
As I drove from the doctor's office to pick up Olivia from preschool, I began to feel a little hollow inside. Most of the time, what I told my doctor was true - I feel at peace with our disunity on that subject since I am only 29. Our prayer for 2016 has been that God would unify us on this subject one way or the other. As much as I want to pray for God to change JOHN'S heart, I know that I need to pray for His will to be done, even if that means saying goodbye to the idea of a sibling for O. Something about being in that office again and encountering people from all parts of the roller coaster gave me a twinge of longing for what's not mine.
I don't want to feel that way, of course. I want to focus on thankfulness. I have a child - that in itself is proof of God's healing and love! I know that this story is to be continued, but for now we pray and wait and enjoy the heck out of our little family.
I was in the waiting room for about 40 minutes. Looking around, I was astounded by the range of emotions I saw on display by the other patients.
Two obviously pregnant women sat to my right, each looking content and pleasant as they rested their hands on their round bellies, calmly flipping through pregnancy magazines and scrolling on their phones.
Across the room was a college-aged girl who was whispering nervously to her mom. Must be a first timer, I figured.
A couple sat in the corner. The woman looked excited and the man fidgeted, looking like he'd rather be cleaning toilets than sitting in that room. I wondered about the story behind those two.
A very, very pregnant mom waddled in holding her toddler's hand. Instantly I felt tired on her behalf.
Directly across from me was another couple. Their faces were buried in magazines and their posture was stiff. I saw a few tears escape from her eyes. He reached over and patted her knee lovingly, both faces still staring down at the reading material. I felt sad for them.
Next to me was a woman who looked about 55, clearly on the other side of the childbearing years. Perhaps she was there to discuss the next round of physical changes the female body experiences. Oy.
Whew. I was worn out just observing these people and thinking about all of the life that was happening behind each face.
I was taken back to the many times I'd sat in that office and displayed a pretty wide range of emotions myself. Nervous as a young woman, anxious and burdened as a married woman trying to consummate my marriage and get answers, confused when my pregnancy test at home said positive but my first trip there was inconclusive, and then elated for the next several months as I checked up on the baby girl growing inside of me.
Thankfully, my visit today was very routine, but of course my doctor, who I adore due to our long journey together, asked me if we were ready for another child. Ah, the popular question any woman of one child is asked far too often.
I told her truthfully that though John adores Olivia, he isn't sure that he wants a second child. I told her that I was okay with that for now since I'm still young(ish), but I hoped that he would change his mind eventually.
As I drove from the doctor's office to pick up Olivia from preschool, I began to feel a little hollow inside. Most of the time, what I told my doctor was true - I feel at peace with our disunity on that subject since I am only 29. Our prayer for 2016 has been that God would unify us on this subject one way or the other. As much as I want to pray for God to change JOHN'S heart, I know that I need to pray for His will to be done, even if that means saying goodbye to the idea of a sibling for O. Something about being in that office again and encountering people from all parts of the roller coaster gave me a twinge of longing for what's not mine.
I don't want to feel that way, of course. I want to focus on thankfulness. I have a child - that in itself is proof of God's healing and love! I know that this story is to be continued, but for now we pray and wait and enjoy the heck out of our little family.
Love you!!! - Z
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